#1 humor site on the 'net

Christmas Lottery Gift

Devaluation hits the Christmas tree

Christmas Lottery Gift thanks to Fred Connolly

Finding a true friend on Christmas day

QuotaBills
Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Praise is the only gift for which people are really grateful. - Marguerite

For business, our Internet love affair was a gift from the gods. - Gary Vaynerchuk

Do not be afraid; our fate Cannot be taken from us; it is a gift. - Dante Alighieri

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Unknown

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. - Emile Zola

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Common sense is just as good a critic of the lottery as any statistical breakdown. - Hunter Baker

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. - Desmond Tutu

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

God gave us the gift of lie; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. - Voltaire

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge. - Albert Einstein

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Polly had a gift for baking pies, and she poured her heart and soul into every one she made. - Sarah Weeks

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

All are inclined to believe that they covet, from a lottery ticket up to a passport to Paradise. - Lord Byron

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present. - Bil Keane

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. - Bill Keane

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is God's Gift. That's why we call it the 'Present.' - Bill Keane

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

The older one gets, the more one feels that the present must be enjoyed; it is a precious gift, comparable to a state of grace. - Marie Curie

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers! - Homer Simpson

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

If someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it, the other person still owns that gift. The same is true of insults and verbal attacks. - Steve Pavlina

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to offer. - Barbara de Angelis


No-iPhone Kids

Dog Haircut

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Donkey Refill

Self Portrait for Squirrels

Coin Stacking

Hooking Penalty

Zebra Bus Stop

Best Friend Theft

Chewie, We're Home

Police Rides

Bird Smoker

Hot Mexican Deals

Coffin Escape

African Airlines

Who Let The Dogs Out?

Autographed Copy

Fresh Air Computing

Porpoise Pilots

Sorry Employees

Sidecar

Middle East Play House

Cadillac Clearance

Don't Believe Everything You Read