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Girlfriends

Will your friends outlive your husband?

Girlfriends thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Elderly friends make for good relationships

QuotaBills
A good husband is healthy and absent. - Japanese Proverb

Her husband was infidelicate with another woman. - Archie Bunker

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. - Joan Rivers

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland

My husband is a general's chauffeur somewhere in France. - Lillie Langtry

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. - Roseanne Barr

Here's to our wives and girlfriends - may they never meet! - Groucho Marx

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. - Steven Wright

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

Do you Edith....take Archie Bunker to be your lawfully bedded husband? - Archie Bunker

Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted. - Helen Rowland

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money. - Joey Adams

My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me. - Bette Midler

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look. - Mia Farrow

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There's a dead bird." He looked up. - Phyllis Diller

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be made at me for saying that. - Mitch Hedberg

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? - Phyllis Diller

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. - Rita Rudner

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can even call yourself a beginner. - Jerry Seinfeld

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

I don't sit around thinking that I'd like to have another husband; only another man would make me think that way. - Lauren Bacall

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. - Ogden Nash

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


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