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Girlfriends

Will your friends outlive your husband?

Girlfriends thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Elderly friends make for good relationships

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A good husband is healthy and absent. - Japanese Proverb

I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. - Joan Rivers

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. - Roseanne Barr

Here's to our wives and girlfriends - may they never meet. - Groucho Marx

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. - Steven Wright

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted. - Helen Rowland

Obscenity is whatever happens to shock some elderly and ignorant magistrate. - Bertrand Russell

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There's a dead bird." He looked up. - Phyllis Diller

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be made at me for saying that. - Mitch Hedberg

If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America. - Donald Trump

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? - Phyllis Diller

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. - Rita Rudner

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it. - Dottie Archibald

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me. - Groucho Marx

Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can even call yourself a beginner. - Jerry Seinfeld

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them. - Steven Wright

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. - Wendy Liebman

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. - Ogden Nash

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


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