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Good Boy

How to teach a dog to read your mind

Good Boy thanks to Howard Chapman

The new science of understanding dog behavior

QuotaBills
No one vinces me, baby - Michael Grant

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Burn rubber, not your soul, baby. - Craig Fernandez

A bambiraptor is a savage baby dear. - Alan Davies

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

You take more pictures of your baby than NASA does of Mars. - Unknown

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

I love you like crazy, baby
'Cuz I'd go crazy without you. - Pixie Foudre

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

Apparently, as a kid, I used to eat spiders. Maybe there's some Freudian significance behind that. - Matt Smith

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

The legacy I want to leave is a child-care system that says no kid is going to be left alone or left unsafe. - Marian Wright Edelman

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


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