#1 humor site on the 'net

Mechanic's Ring

Finger-Fine Jewelry for Special Mechanics

Mechanic's Ring thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Wearing a pipe wrench around your finger

QuotaBills
No pressure, no diamonds. - Mary Case

Speak silver, reply gold. - Swahili Proverb

The name Pavlov rings a bell. - Unknown

He buries gold who hides the truth. - Pythagoras

Wisdom is better than gold or silver. - German Proverb

It ain't exactly the Pope diamond. - Archie Bunker

Character is a diamond that scratches every other stone. - Cyrus A. Bartol

Where you stumble and fall, there you discover the gold. - Joseph Campbell

I think "Hail to the Chief" has a nice ring to it. - John F Kennedy

They bequeathed the gleaming gold, treasure of men, to earth. - Beowulf

It is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all. - Mark Twain

I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck. - Emma Goldman

Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki. - Nigel Starmer-Smith

As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of time. - J. Mason

Rappers wear diamonds to compensate for a lack of fashion sense. - Asap Rocky

I like gold because it is a stabilizer; it is an insurance policy. - Kevin O'Leary

A gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself. - Mae West

A diamond with a flaw is better than a common stone that is perfect. - Chinese Proverb

Invest in the human soul. Who knows, it might be a diamond in the rough. - Mary McLeod Bethune

Contentment, like a flawless diamond, is a valuable and scarce commodity. - Dennis Rainey

Giving your son a skill is better than giving him one thousand pieces of gold. - Chinese Proverb

Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul. - Democritus

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. - Jeff Foxworthy

Freedom rings when you realize you can become what you never thought you could become. - Richie Norton

I don't work out. If God wanted us to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor. - Joan Rivers

Suddenly you're like a pirate, you're 65 years old and you've got an earring. - Fred Willard

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

The most precious jewels you'll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children. - Unknown

God gives men wisdom as he gives them gold; his treasure house is not the mint, but the mine. - Arabic Proverb

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. - Erma Bombeck

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong. - Muhammad Ali

Dear Diamond,
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Yours sincerely,
Chocolate Cake - Unknown

Liking the Leafs is like having molten gold poured into your face. It's gold, but it's burning your face off. - Sean Cullen

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

My dream is for people around the world to look up and to see Canada like a little jewel sitting at the top of the continent. - Tommy Douglas

With so much to be aware of, awareness bracelets have reverted to signifying nothing more than color itself. Idealism has devolved into fashion. - Timothy Noah


Chocolate Bed

Uplifting Church

Touchy Subject

It's A Keeper

Horse Hearse

No Pit Stop Car

Street Cleaning in China

Absolutely Nothing

Flower Drums

Really?

Waterproof Notepad

Seniors Bike Club

Family Hands

Flight Downer

FaceAche

Can Never Have Too Many Tools

Office Budget Cuts

Optimistic Goose

Sun Wagon

PARfect Golf

Before The Impact

Tornado's Path of Destruction

Light Coil

Thai Bikers: Whoever Falls First Loses