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Message From The Wife

Eat more fruit - key ingredient for a healthy marital relationship

My friend got home late last night after a full day of golfing and drinking with the boys, and his wife left a message in the kitchen for him. I guess she wants him to eat more fruit...
Message From The Wife thanks to Barry McCartney

Secrets to a successful long-term relationship or marriage

QuotaBills
Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

German headshrinker named Sigmund Fruit - Archie Bunker

Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat. - Jim Davis

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy. - James Goldsmith

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

Never marry anyone you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip. - Roger Ebert

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling. - Rodney Dangerfield

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash


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