#1 humor site on the 'net

Mountain Christmas Tree

Ski hill lights way to the Christmas treetop

Mountain Christmas Tree thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash


Alaska Gas

Definition Of A Good Friend

Redneck Car Repair

Self-Propelled Rocket

Pole Clock

Donut Holes

Insect Food Fight

Living At C Level

Little Johnny Bath

Emergency Stops Only

Portable Balance Beam

Fried Eggs - Military Style

Motorvation

Teenage Mutant Ninja Hay Bail

Driving Rain

Eddie Reward

Got Them All

Owlvis Presley

Motorcycle Limo

Runaway Tree

Human Explosion

Air Force Pilots

See You Later

Lunch Admirers