#1 humor site on the 'net

Octostump

Rare picture of an octopus on land

Octostump thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Dendrology is the study of wooded plants (including trees and shrubs).
Botany is the study of plants in general.
QuotaBills
It's a point or setter plant (poinsettia). - Archie Bunker

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

Plant smiles
Grow laughter
Harvest love - Unknown

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

He knows his olive trees better than he knows his children. - Rebecca Helm-Ropelato

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

Plant the seed of meditation and reap the fruit of peace of mind. - Unknown

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. - Robert Louis Stevenson

He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love. - St. Basil of Caesarea

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

If we do not plant knowledge when young, it will give us no shade when we are old. - Lord Chesterfield

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

It will never rain roses. When we want to have more roses, we must plant more trees. - George Eliot

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a plant. Therefore, chocolate counts as salad. The End. - Unknown

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Unknown

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. - John Muir

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go. - Jarod Kintz

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein


Woman-Riding Man

Thin Polar Bear

Hand Tool

Rainbow Beer

They Found Your Balls

Giraffe Pet

Hard Working Cop

Cattle Herding in Africa

Dutch Cowboy

How Bachelors Kill Moths

Tonsil Ring

Portrait Gallery

Piano Dog

The Art Of Politics

Martini Shirt

American Mustache

Wedding Room Dress

Redneck TP

Big Bird Feeder

City Work Crew's Slow Day

Cow Trampoline

Suspicious Blood Donor

Friends In High Places

Hair Cut Toupee