#1 humor site on the 'net

Practice Safe Text

Use commas, and never miss a period

Practice Safe Text thanks to Jim Serritella

How English grammar can improve your relationship

QuotaBills
What's another word for thesaurus? - Steven Wright

Speech is the small change of silence. - George Meredith

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Poetry is what gets lost in translation. - Robert Frost

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

Nothing you can't spell will ever work. - Will Rogers

Synonym Bun: What a thesaurus eats for breakfast - Unknown

I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli

Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand

Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way. - Mark Twain

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. - Mark Twain

I don't care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong. - Barbra Streisand

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

Grammar: the difference between Feeling Your Nuts and Feeling You're Nuts. - Unknown

Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw

I want flowers, I don't want to text. What does that make me? What kind of dinosaur am I? - Jennifer Garner

Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

A dinosaur out of context is like a character without a story. Worse than that, the character suffers from amnesia. - Jack Horner

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

He respects Owl, because you can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right. - A. A. Milne

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Behind Curtain Number One

One More Drop

Changing Priorities

Made His Bed

Dog Sled

Only In Canada - Nosey Moose

Camper Tank

Plane Pushers

Wise Electricity Use

Critter Control

Redneck Ice Fishing

Skeletons In The Closet

Captive Audience Twins

Brew Table

Nailed It Baby

Water Supply

Holding His Own Portraits

Hawaii Scuba Bus

Chicken Pie

Computer Challenged

Swiss Reaper

Original Play Station

Haunted Pancakes

No Neck