#1 humor site on the 'net

Something Witty

A brewhouse that hires thought-provoking employees

Something Witty thanks to Barry McCartney

Business was slow at the bar that day

QuotaBills
Wit is educated insolence. - Aristotle

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

When the age is in, the wit is out. - William Shakespeare

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

You have a ready wit. Let me know when it's ready. - Henny Youngman

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. - Steven Wright

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill. - Henny Youngman

You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought. - Princess Leia

A wise man will live as much within his wit as his income. - Philip Dormer Stanhope

A witty statesman said you might prove anything by figures. - Thomas Carlyle

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. - Mark Twain

Wit is the rarest quality to be met with among people of education. - William Hazlitt

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

A sign of celebrity is that his name is often worth more than his services. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. - John F Kennedy

We didn't underestimate them but they were a lot better than we thought. - Bobby Robson

Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade. - Noel Coward

If you're not failing now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. - Woody Allen

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

Do we not all agree to call rapid thought and noble impulse by the name of inspiration? - George Eliot

When I was with Andy Warhol, I thought, 'God, his wig looks cheaper than mine!' - Dolly Parton

Discovery consists of seeing what everyone has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. - Albert Szent-Gyorgyi

I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly under-polluted. - Lawrence Summers

They would not find me changed from him they knew - only more sure of all I thought was true. - Robert Frost

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. - Groucho Marx

The imagination exercises a powerful influence over every act of sense, thought, reason, over every idea. - Latin Proverb

But the thought of being a lunatic did not greatly trouble him; the horror was that he might also be wrong. - George Orwell

It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it. - Maurice Switzer

Then she thought bitterly that it would be much easier to resist chocolate if her life were less stressful. - J K Rowling

When we yield to discouragement it is usually because we give too much thought to the past and to the future. - St. Theresa of Lisieux

The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead. - Robert Brault

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is. - Oscar Wilde

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." - C S Lewis

It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts. - Robert H. Schuller

My Dad once said, "you wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did." - Dr. Phil McGraw

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give. - Eleanor Roosevelt

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

He who cannot change the very fabric of his thought will never be able to change reality, and will never, therefore, make any progress. - Anwar Sadat

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Wit is the key, I think, to anybody's heart. Show me the person who doesn't like to laugh and I'll show you a person with a toe tag. - Julia Roberts


Tonsil Ring

Portrait Gallery

Piano Dog

The Art Of Politics

Martini Shirt

American Mustache

Wedding Room Dress

Redneck TP

Big Bird Feeder

City Work Crew's Slow Day

Cow Trampoline

Suspicious Blood Donor

Friends In High Places

Hair Cut Toupee

Finger Physio

Texas Steak

Triathlete with a Drinking Problem

Awning Truck Advertising

Racial Profiling Starts Early

Your Move

Florida Bird Flu

Croc Surfing

Zip Tie Prank

Ukrainian Power Adaptor