#1 humor site on the 'net

Special Offer

What appears to be a bargain after too many Happy Hour drinks

Special Offer thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Bartender sign that packs 'em into the bar regardless

QuotaBills
Special kind of stanima - Archie Bunker

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

In wine, there is the truth. - Pliny the Elder

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. - Dylan Thomas

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart. - Unknown

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

There are exactly as many special occasions in life as we choose to celebrate. - Robert Brault

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

My grandfather is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. - Henny Youngman

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

Let every one ascertain his special business and calling, and then stick to it if he wants to be successful. - Benjamin Franklin

I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski

Special day! Oh, what have I forgotten now? Now, don't panic. Is it Bacon Day? No, that’s crazy talk! - Homer

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - the Joe-kster


ThrowYo

Hair Plants

Ruined Day

Classic Ballet Ad

Tea Party Weapon

Reading Talent

ParaPlane Ride

iArm

Instant Engine Starting Down Under

Shakespeare Pens

Car-nage

Drum Kit Chandelier

Standoff

New Man Group

Octopus Skateboarding

Sling Signs

Beauty Bag

Dodgy Ticker

Orcar

Eastwooding

Sandal Security

Folding Bike

Ladies Golf

Mommy's Diet