#1 humor site on the 'net

Tactical Texas

How Texans break bones with sticks and stones

Tactical Texas thanks to Kirk Lowry

Sign of a prepared Texas hunter

QuotaBills
A gun gives you the body, not the bird. - Henry David Thoreau

The nail that sticks up gets hammered down. - Japanese Proverb

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks. - A.A. Milne

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

We break bones and we lose teeth. We play rugby. - Martin Johnson

Life's failures are stepping stones to success. - Unknown

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

Life is about making an impact, not making an income. - Kevin Kruse

Fox hunting is the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible. - Oscar Wilde

Failures to heroic minds are the stepping stones to success. - Thomas Chandler Haliburton

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

You can figure out what the villain fears by his choice of weapons. - Connie Brockway

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

If you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport. - Elayne Boosler

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. - Nelson Mandela

We are all sculptors and painters, and our material is our own flesh and bones. - Henry David Thoreau

Physical strength can never permanently withstand the impact of spiritual force. - Franklin D Roosevelt

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

Give crayons. Adults are disturbingly impoverished of these magical dream sticks. - Dr. SunWolf

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

A world without nuclear weapons would be less stable and more dangerous for all of us. - Margaret Thatcher

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

If a man's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, why embarrass him by asking? - John Gunther

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming

The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty. - Zig Ziglar

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

No weapon has ever settled a moral problem. It can impose a solution but it cannot guarantee it to be a just one. - Ernest Hemingway

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein

Humour is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them. - Simon Wiesenthal

The Supreme Court's only armor is the cloak of public trust; its sole ammunition, the collective hopes of our society. - Irving R. Kaufman

We are all omnibuses in which our ancestors ride, and every now and then one of them sticks his head out and embarrasses us. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. - John Leonard

If you put yourself in a position where you have to stretch outside your comfort zone, then you are forced to expand your consciousness. - Les Brown

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher


One-Knight Stands

Stealth Cell Phone Tower

Holes of the World

Sunken Bed

Australian Wildfire Survivor

Rat Toys

Radish Camouflage

Apple Art

Cake Finders

Shot Glasses

Frog Spout Security

Chopper Bicycle

Canadian Suntan

Walkway To Heaven

Groucho Marx and Jimmy Savile

Despicable Shoes

Prayer Conditioning

Lazy People Make Excellent Engineers

Spaghetti Western

Under The Weather

Backpack Barney

My Sweet Potato

Who Needs a Guard Dog?

My Next Life