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Canadian Speed Bumps

Road potholes - real and imagined

Canadian Speed Bumps thanks to Sandra Montego

QuotaBills
Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack

OK, so what's the speed of dark? - Steven Wright

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

There is more to life than increasing its speed. - Mahatma Gandhi

The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing. - Jean Cocteau

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. - Steven Wright

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. - Margaret Thatcher

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

A path full of potholes must be traveled slowly, but there's no reason you can't finish the journey. - Faydra D. Fields

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done. - Steven Wright

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Physics investigates the essential nature of the world, and biology describes a local bump. Human psychology describes a bump on the bump. - Willard Quine

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman


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