#1 humor site on the 'net

Christmas Sidecar

Harvesting a Christmas tree in the good old days

Christmas Sidecar thanks to Vera Densen

QuotaBills
Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. - Unknown

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller


Appenzell, Switzerland

Holy Day Inn

Rising To The Occasion

High Wire Act

Sunday Drive in the Country

Cloud Swing

Playground Child Eliminator

The Joe-kster Working Out

Flipper Soccer

Superior Church

Redneck Auto Mechanic

Playground Drivers

Trunk Drinkers

Foamtastic

Pyramid Kiss

What Goes Round Comes Round

Mistaken Door

Cleanup

Leave Toes Outside

Google Age

Meat Loaf

Heavy Sleeper

So Close

Economy Flight