#1 humor site on the 'net

Dawn Gone

And then it Dawn-ed on him...

Dawn Gone thanks to Keith Blake

Leaning Tower of Lisa: 'Lean on me!', so she did...

QuotaBills
The way forwards is backwards. - Dave Sexton

Diaper backward spells repaid. - Marshall McLuhan

Only dead fish swim with the stream. - Unknown

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it. - Jonathan Winters

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet? - Steven Wright

No one should have to dance backwards all their lives. - Jill Ruckelshaus

This is the place to be - in the land of swimming pools. - David Hockney

You will never get lessons on swimming from a drowning man. - Unknown

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. - Steven Wright

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. - Rita Rudner

No man drowns if he perseveres in praying to God, and can swim. - Russian Proverb

Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. - Charlotte Brontë

The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it. - Woodrow Wilson

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. - Soren Kierkegaard

I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies. - Ann Landers

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary. - Dorothy Fisher

Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did, backwards and on high heels. - Unknown

The two kinds of people on earth are the people who lift and the people who lean. - Unknown

It's better to move forward at a snail's pace, than backward at any pace. - Rhonda Begos

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. - Ann Landers

People will not look forward to posterity who never look backward to their ancestors. - Edmund Burke

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

If I swim in the ocean, I have a shark thought. Not a bad one, but just a little one. - Tea Leoni

In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock. - Thomas Jefferson

The shovels haven't arrived, and until they do, you'll have to lean on each other. - Unknown

I guess you would say I'd be like the Michael Phelps of swimming if he wasn't there. - Ryan Lochte

I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim. - Frida Kahlo

Happiness consists in activity: such is the constitution of our nature; it is a running stream, and not a stagnant pool. - John M. Good

When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Unknown

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume

It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: "President Can't Swim." - Lyndon B. Johnson


Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

Redneck Coffee Pot

Speed Limit Warning

Camouflage Helicopter

Why Neanderthals Became Extinct

Elephant Hand

Unhappy Baby

Ambulance Caddy

Bacon Sandwich

Microwave Mailbox

Paint Protection

Mid Road Parking Spot

Fishing Limit

Come And Go

iPhone Battery Life

British League of Pessimists

Canadian Diary

Wolf Mode

Dragon Buoy

Wi-Fi Password

When You Gotta Go

Bird Melons

Black Golfer

Gated Community