#1 humor site on the 'net

Fartapples

Always wash your produce

Fartapples thanks to Thelma Goodwyn

Second hand fruit section at the local grocery store

QuotaBills
Fine words do not produce food. - Nigeria Proverb

German headshrinker named Sigmund Fruit - Archie Bunker

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying

The best food is whatever fills the belly. - Arab Proverb

Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate. - Emily Dickinson

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life. - Oliver C. Wilson

She did not so much cook as assassinate food. - Storm Jameson

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

Food tastes best when you eat it with your own spoon. - Denmark Proverb

Excellence in any pursuit is the late, ripe fruit of toil. - W.M.L. Jay

I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. - Julia Child

Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is? - Frank Scully

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

A lot of movies are about life, mine are like a slice of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock

For me, the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Jane Austen

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator. - Phyllis Diller

A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges. - Benjamin Franklin

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit. - Aristotle

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie? - Lisa Loeb

This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

Nature magically suits a man to his fortunes, by making them the fruit of his character. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

From an early age I understood that cooking was never going to be a job, it's a passion. - Gordon Ramsay

Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme

Number theorists are like lotus-eaters – having once tasted of this food they can never give it up. - Leopold Kronecker

Once you have mastered a technique, you hardly need look at a recipe again, and can take off on your own. - Julia Child

Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself. - Abraham J. Heschel

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

Dear Diamond,
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Yours sincerely,
Chocolate Cake - Unknown

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller

I like simple food, seasoned with just salt, pepper, oil and vinegar. Complicated food and complicated lives are never good. - Sirio Maccioni

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. - Red Skelton

There is one longing almost as deep and imperious as the desire for food and sleep. It is the desire to be great. It is the desire to be important. - Dale Carnegie

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


Smoking Hot Body

Take Away Van

Emotion Stew

Appenzell, Switzerland

Holy Day Inn

Rising To The Occasion

High Wire Act

Sunday Drive in the Country

Cloud Swing

Playground Child Eliminator

The Joe-kster Working Out

Flipper Soccer

Superior Church

Redneck Auto Mechanic

Playground Drivers

Trunk Drinkers

Foamtastic

Pyramid Kiss

What Goes Round Comes Round

Mistaken Door

Cleanup

Leave Toes Outside

Google Age

Meat Loaf