#1 humor site on the 'net

On Guard!

Clash of the kitchen knives

On Guard! thanks to Keith Blake

Trojan armor saves the day

QuotaBills
Keep a clean kitchen - dine out. - Unknown

Bacon is duct tape for the kitchen. - Unknown

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. - Rabindranath Tagore

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: eat out. - Phyllis Diller

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

He who would eat in Spain must bring his kitchen along. - German saying

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. - Harry S Truman

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin. - Simone Schwarz-Bart

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

Some of my best friends are illusions. Been sustaining me for years. - Sheila Ballantyne

I always had a fantasy of being a chef, because I like kitchen life. - Geoffrey Rush

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling illusion. - Paul Samuelson

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

Wishes and fears are illusions, Dil Bahadur, not realities. You must practice detachment. - Isabel Allende

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. - Ambrose Bierce

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist but you have ceased to live. - Mark Twain

Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached. - Simone Weil

No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude. - Buddy Valastro

You don't learn to hold your own in the world by standing on guard, but by attacking and getting well hammered yourself. - George Bernard Shaw

Surgeons must be very careful
When they take the knife!
Underneath their fine incisions
Stirs the Culprit - Life! - Emily Dickinson

Whenever I have a spare second, I'm in the kitchen whipping up a batch of cookies. I make a mean batch of chocolate chippers. - Karlie Kloss

We would rather be ruined than changed. We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the moment and let our illusions die. - W H Auden


Trail Closed

Wash Day On The Farm

Trudeau Flagpole

Headset Warning

Cow Trampoline

Tractor Pull

Mandage

Texas Rims

X-Factor Sudoku Puzzles B

How Do You Spell L-U-C-K-Y?

Redneck's Favorite Bar Stool

Zip Tie Prank

First Aid Responders

3D Latte Art

Horse Photobomb

Warmest Wishes for a Perfect Sunday

Express Checkout

Theft-Free Lunch

Lunch Break

Texas Wine Glass

Soldier Tribute

Peanut Butter Hound

Long Rowboat

Greek Sudoku Puzzles C