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Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service. - Rodney Dangerfield

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. - Homer Simpson

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

When you inhale, you are taking the strength from God. When you exhale, it represents the service you are giving to the world. - B.K. Iyengar

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


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