#1 humor site on the 'net

Russian Windshield Wiper

Looking for cheap windshield wiper blades?

Russian Windshield Wiper thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Guaranteed smear vision

QuotaBills
Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. - John Lithgow

Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy. - Unknown

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug. - Mark Knopfler

Some days you're the bug. Some days you're the windshield. - Price Cobb

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? - Phyllis Diller

Give me a guitar, give me a piano, give me a broom and string, I wouldn't get bored anywhere. - Keith Richards

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

Women are the most powerful magnet in the universe. And all men are cheap metal. And we all know where north is. - Larry Miller

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

I was Ashallayn’darkmyr Tallyn, son of Mab, former prince of the Unseelie Court, and I was not afraid of a witch on a broom. - Julie Kagawa

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett


Politician Training

Math in Africa

Customers Wanted

Sock Storage

Hung Out To Dry

Need More Horsepower?

Japanese Diving Platform

Water Taxi

Wrench Family

How To Burn Fat

Ghetto Boat

Car Surgeon

Just Blew It

His Dent

Cheat of the Year

Divorce Defined

Paint Ladder

Peopledarin

Frozen Pipes in the Garage

Attentive Student

Corgi Snow Height

FishSun - Touching The Sun

SailBite Ride - Swimming Not Advised

Bach To Front