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Russian Windshield Wiper

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Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy. - Unknown

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. - Warren Buffet

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. - Dolly Parton

Some days you're a bug, some days you're a windshield. - Price Cobb

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

Mexico: where life is cheap, death is rich, and the buzzards are never unhappy. - Edward Abbey

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? - Phyllis Diller

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


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