#1 humor site on the 'net

Smirnoff Women

We don't serve women here - you have to bring your own

Smirnoff Women thanks to Frank Howard

QuotaBills
Dull women have immaculate homes. - Unknown

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

Women should be obscene and not heard. - Groucho Marx

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Tis brief, my lord... as woman's love. - William Shakespeare

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman. - Kathy Lette

Women want love to be a novel. Men, a short story. - Daphne du Maurier

Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein

When a woman is openly bad she is then at her best. - Latin Proverb

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. - WC Fields

Man can not live on chocolate alone.... but women can. - Unknown

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. - H L Mencken

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx

A great city is that which has the greatest men and women. - Walt Whitman

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. - Groucho Marx

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. - Stephanie Piro

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man. - Erica Jong

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten. - Archie Bunker

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. - Oscar Wilde

Enthusiasm is a vital element toward the individual success of every man or woman. - Conrad Hilton

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible. - Margaret Mead

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

Women have a hard enough time in this world; telling them the truth would be too cruel. - H L Mencken

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is. - Helen Rowland

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be made at me for saying that. - Mitch Hedberg

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman. - Virginia Woolf

The clothes in themselves do not make a statement. The woman makes the statement and the dress helps. - Jean Muir

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face.
That's the price she has to pay. - Groucho Marx

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

If women want any rights more than they got, why don't they just take them and not be talking about it? - Sojourner Truth

No woman is worth more than a fiver unless you're in love with her. Then she is worth all she costs you. - W Somerset Maugham

They say women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men. - Clare Boothe Luce

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. - Unknown

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town. - Steve Martin

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Every man and woman is born into the world to do something unique and distinctive, and if he or she does not do it, it will never be done. - Benjamin E. Mays

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will." - Steven Wright


Fish Fingers

Costco Beach Towel

Handwritting

Down Under Statue

Random Acts Of Kindness (RAK) Day

Detroit Discovery

Spit Priorities

Enjoy The View

Locks Of Love

So You Want A Day Off

Save A Tree

Dr. Hedgehog

Flower Frame Heels

I'll Be Right There

Frankfurt Subway Entrance

Winter Deflation

Baby Papaya Crossing

Cat Tofu

Dad Sandwich

The Untangler

Glendambo Welcome

Leaning Tower Of Pisa Dog

Slim People Bathroom

Soothing Hairstyle