#1 humor site on the 'net

Tire Substitute

Rolling Stock - full-time service for a temporary spare

Tire Substitute thanks to Keith Blake

She'll roll, Ricky - just take it easy to the trailer park

QuotaBills
There is no substitute for the Bible. - Henry Halley

Statistics are no substitute for judgement. - Henry Clay

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. - Brian Mullin

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

A rabbit's foot is a poor substitute for horse sense. - Unknown

Bedside manners are no substitute for the right diagnosis. - Alfred P. Sloan, Jr.

She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

You can buy anything on eBay. I bought the world's oldest globe. It's flat. - Buzz Nutley

Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts. - Charles Dickens

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a tire. - Roy Orbison

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. - Margaret Thatcher

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

I can change a diaper in 30 seconds flat. I set the new one beneath the old one. That way, it's just wipe and pull the flap over. - Drew Brees

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne


Far North Cable Guys

Koalified

Saskatchewan Snow Blower

French Ikea

Lost House Keys

Leg Art

Strange Old Vehicles

Designer Lamp

Scottish Road Sign

Too Late Now

How Paper Beats Rock

Joburg Police

Behind Curtain Number One

One More Drop

Changing Priorities

Made His Bed

Dog Sled

Only In Canada - Nosey Moose

Camper Tank

Plane Pushers

Wise Electricity Use

Critter Control

Redneck Ice Fishing

Skeletons In The Closet