#1 humor site on the 'net

Waiting Is Good

Finding the person you need to be sorry for in the ER

Waiting Is Good thanks to Lorraine Ovenall

Emergency Room Rex has a message for you

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The mistakes are all waiting to be made. - Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Personally, I'm waiting for caller IQ. - Sandra Bernhard

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I'm confused, oh wait, maybe I'm not. - Unknown

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Everything comes in time to him who knows how to wait. - Leo Tolstoy

Do not wait for the last judgment. It comes every day. - Albert Camus

The hardest part of growing up is learning how to wait. - Leo Rosten

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer

Being on a tightrope is living; everything else is waiting. - Karl Wallenda

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope. - Alexandre Dumas

I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it. - Jonathan Winters

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

As it turns out, now is the moment you've been waiting for. - Lucinda Williams

Energy is liberated matter; matter is energy waiting to happen. - Bill Bryson

Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. - Jack London

I don't wait for the calendar to figure out when I should live life. - Gene Simmons

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription. - Val Saintsbury

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. - Ed Cunningham

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. - W.M. Lewis

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up. - Groucho Marx

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove. - Mark Twain

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first. - Unknown

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, Just wait. - Judy Tenuta

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

I have Dementia
My responses may be slow.
Take your time and wait for me,
It means more than you can know! - Unknown

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

When you get older, you know that life's mysteries are revealed in the fullness of time. All you have to do is wait, watch, and be amazed. - Linda Gray

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. - Spike Milligan

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. - Barack Obama


Redneck Ladder

Home Depot Delivery

Taco Bell Secret Seasoning

Are You OK?

Downchuck

Rickshaw Workout

Tenacity

Annual Meeting of Women Drivers

Bach Flip

Alien Smuggling

The Three Stooges In And Out Of Character

Teamwork

Sorry

Dunking Straw

Vatican Chess

Boot Camp

Hold On, Let Me Catch The Ball

Big Hands Baby

Fire Truck Sinkhole

Cyclist Mailbox

Tearable Puns

Penmanship

Tree Removal

I Sea Drums