#1 humor site on the 'net

Webster's First Dictionary

And what's that supposed to mean?

Webster's First Dictionary thanks to Emery Pettigrove

How to get along with your wife

QuotaBills
Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Some leaders are born women. - Unknown

Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. - Timothy Leary

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

When a woman is openly bad she is then at her best. - Latin Proverb

A woman who strives to be like a man lacks ambition. - Unknown

Even in the dictionary, academics comes before athletics. - William A. Welker

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. - H L Mencken

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. - Will Rogers

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. - Will Rogers

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. - James Stephens

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten. - Archie Bunker

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it. - Evan Esar

Enthusiasm is a vital element toward the individual success of every man or woman. - Conrad Hilton

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

A consultant is a man who knows 147 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women. - Unknown

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

A man has to be Joe McCarthy to be called ruthless. All a woman has to do is put you on hold. - Marlo Thomas

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

They say women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men. - Clare Boothe Luce

Remember, we're fighting for this woman’s honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done! - Groucho Marx

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. - Jerry Seinfeld

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene


Alaska Gas

Definition Of A Good Friend

Redneck Car Repair

Self-Propelled Rocket

Pole Clock

Donut Holes

Insect Food Fight

Living At C Level

Little Johnny Bath

Emergency Stops Only

Portable Balance Beam

Fried Eggs - Military Style

Motorvation

Teenage Mutant Ninja Hay Bail

Driving Rain

Eddie Reward

Got Them All

Owlvis Presley

Motorcycle Limo

Runaway Tree

Human Explosion

Air Force Pilots

See You Later

Lunch Admirers