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Webster's First Dictionary

And what's that supposed to mean?

Webster's First Dictionary thanks to Emery Pettigrove

How to get along with your wife

QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. - WC Fields

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. - H L Mencken

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. - John Van Druten

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. - Will Rogers

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. - Phyllis Diller

Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself. - Frank Sinatra

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you. - Groucho Marx

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age; a woman who would tell one would tell one anything. - Oscar Wilde

If women want any rights more than they got, why don't they just take them and not be talking about it? - Sojourner Truth

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you never want to see a man again, just tell him, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children." They leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx


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