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Da Queen

The Royal House of Clinton responds to tiresome questions

Da Queen thanks to Jim Serritella

As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.

During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.

So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.

Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton

QuotaBills
Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck

Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

There is no royal road to geometry. - Euclid

Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers

Politics is the art of the possible. - Otto von Bismarck

From politics, it was an easy step to silence. - Jane Austen

Politics is just show business for ugly people. - Jay Leno

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

There can be no wise politics without thought beforehand. - Annie Besant

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity. - Albert Einstein

We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. - H L Mencken

An honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. - Mark Twain

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don't vote. - William E. Simon

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger

Idealism is the despot of thought, just as politics is the despot of will. - Mikhail Bakunin

Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. - Henry Kissinger

A good politician, under democracy, is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H L Mencken

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. - Nikita Khrushchev

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

People want change but not too much change. Finding that balance is tricky for every politician. - Eleanor Clift

Get thee glass eyes;
And, like a scurvy politician, seem
To see the things thou dost not. - William Shakespeare

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

It is a win-win for the American people, an idea no conventional politician would have the guts to put forward. - Donald Trump

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. - José Maria de Eça de Queiroz

Taxpayer - someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. - Ronald Reagan

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

The diamond may adorn royalty, regardless of personal worth; but jewels of thought render even poverty illustrious and sublime. - Gems for the Fireside

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey


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