#1 humor site on the 'net

House 'Broke'rage

Is your house insurance up to date?

House 'Broke'rage thanks to Rysa Gordon, Surrey, B.C.

QuotaBills
Geologists have a saying - rocks remember. - Neil Armstrong

In rock music terms I'm like a dinosaur. - Belinda Carlisle

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

At my house, Dust is a noun, not a verb. - Unknown

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. - Italian Proverb

Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy. - Unknown

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

He's got that big house to maintain in San Clemency. - Archie Bunker

Better a hundred enemies outside the house than one inside. - Arabic proverb

It's so much easier to throw rocks than it is to govern. - Karen Bass

Whoever incites anger has a strong insurance against indifference. - Philip Stanhope

Go often to the house of a friend, for weeds choke the unused path. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

Hidin' out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera. - Archie Bunker

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. - H G Wells

How difficult it is to save the bark of reputation from the rocks of ignorance. - Petrarch

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock. - Sigmund Freud

I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. - Gina Lollobrigida

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles

Everybody talks about rock these days; the problem is they forget about the roll. - Keith Richards

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? - Henry David Thoreau

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

We should be as water, which is lower than all things yet stronger even than the rocks. - Sioux Proverb

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

Maybe I'd like to run around the house in my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited. - Archie Bunker

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

I actually lost 90 pounds over the course of 15 months in order to save money on life insurance. - Derek Kilmer

What is harder than rock, or softer than water? Yet soft water hollows out hard rock. Persevere. - Ovid

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? - Woody Allen

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up. - Steven Wright

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate.
What's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? - Will Rogers

When we checked with the title insurance company, they said we had ... a complete right to that entrance and exit. - Donald Trump

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

Rock is so much fun. That's what it's all about - filling up the chest cavities and empty kneecaps and elbows. - Jimi Hendrix

A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

For almost seventy years the life insurance industry has been a smug sacred cow feeding the public a steady line of sacred bull. - Ralph Nader

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place. - Emily Dickinson

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second. - Robert Frost

I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steven Wright

The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste or eaten within twenty-four hours. - Lady Hasluck

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin


World's Tallest Bus

Long Liquor Store

Happy Wood Pig

On Top Of Things

Anail Retention

Bat Flight

The No Brainer

Truck Bender

Bacon Balls

Fast Closure

Ukrainian Feast

1934 Modern Home

Fliptus

Copper Tubing Specialist

Bach Off Van

Boss Resume

Canadian Gun Shop

Hogwart's Other Bridge

Excalibutter

As The World Turns

Bird Condo

Legal Assistance For All

Chinese Law School

Do Not Stack