#1 humor site on the 'net

Lord of the Wings

Sales of Tolkien chicken wings are flying off the shelves

Lord of the Wings thanks to Barry McCartney

'The Lord of the Rings' is a fantasy novel written by English author J.R.R. Tolkien. The story began as a sequel to Tolkien's 1937 fantasy novel 'The Hobbit', but eventually developed into a much larger work. Written between 1937 and 1949, 'The Lord of the Rings' is one of the best-selling novels ever written, with over 150 million copies sold.

QuotaBills
Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

The man with no imagination has no wings. - Muhammad Ali

Would a fly without wings be called a walk? - George Carlin

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings. - William Blake

Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings. - Salvador Dali

You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren. - William Henry Hudson

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame. - Kohta Hirano

He who has imagination without learning, has wings and no feet. - Joseph Joubert

The success that the Tolkien books had redefined modern fantasy. - George R.R. Martin

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

Do not blame God for having created the tiger, but thank him for not having given it wings. - Indian Proverb

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children - one is roots, and the other, wings. - Hodding S. Carter

When I only begin to read, I forget I'm on this world. It lifts me on wings with high thoughts. - Anzia Yezierska

The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

Tarry a moment to watch the chaos of a playground, crayola-colored shirts of running children, all trying out their wings. - Dr. SunWolf

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

My armour is like tenfold shields, my teeth are swords, my claws spears, the shock of my tail is a thunderbolt, my wings a hurricane, and my breath death. - Smaug

I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one. - Paul Simon

Today's weather forecast: heavy showers of blessings, strong wings to blow your worries away, followed by warm hugs and kisses to put smiles on your face. - Unknown

NASA asked me to create meals for the space shuttle. Thai chicken was the favorite. I flew in a fake space shuttle, but I have no desire to go into space after seeing the toilet. - Rachael Ray

The difference between "involvement" and "commitment" is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was "involved" - the pig was "committed". - Unknown

I had eel at a sushi bar once; it's disgusting. I thought it was chicken. It looked like chicken. It was brown and looked delicious, and I was like, 'That looks safe.' It wasn't. - Chris Evans

Calico Pie,
The little Birds fly
Down to the calico tree,
Their wings were blue,
And they sang "Tilly-loo!"
Till away they flew,
And they never came back to me! - Edward Lear


Shark Circles

Topographic Sink

Rock Watcher

We Call It Lake

Single Men For Long-Term Commitment

Sitting Just Off Center

Dentist Bowling

Maybe Shame Will Stop Her

Penalty Shot

Puppy Taco

On The Edge

Laptop Cooler

Bruce Lee Coffee

Stealth Cat

Fish Hawg

Bee Beard

Titanic Trailer

Porsche Bird Droppings

Foosball Maze

Brain Logic

Kickback - England

Preschool Parking

Look Daddy - Baby Kittens!

Big Ambitions