Meet Your Future Ex-Wife

Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson

The future is a great land. - Unknown

In wine, there is the truth. - Pliny the Elder

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost

The future is hidden even from those who make it. - Anatole France

The best way to predict the future is to create it. - Peter F Drucker

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The future is made of the same stuff as the present. - Simone Weil

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. - Oscar Wilde

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. - Steven Wright

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. - Unknown

The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine. - Mike Murdock

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Children are one third of our population and all of our future. - Unknown

Here are some names to look forward to - perhaps in the future. - David Coleman

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

Our faith in the present dies out long before our faith in the future. - Ruth Benedict

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. - Dean Acheson

The reality is you either step into the future, or you become a dinosaur. - M Shadows

The past attracts me, the present frightens me, because the future is death. - Guy de Maupassant

Hold on to a ray of hope, and a promise of future... and follow your dreams. - Unknown

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life. - George Burns

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future. - Bernard Meltzer

If we tried to sink the past beneath our feet, be sure the future would not stand it. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown

The past exists only in our memories,
The future only in our plans.
The present is our only reality. - Robert Pirsig

I'd hate to be an alcoholic with Alzheimer's. Imagine needing a drink and forgetting where you put it. - George Carlin

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. - Bill Keane

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

History is a relentless master. It has no present, only the past rushing into the future. To try to hold fast is to be swept aside. - John F Kennedy

Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present. - Marcus Aurelius

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster