Meet Your Future Ex-Wife

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

The future comes one day at a time. - Dean Acheson

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Inspiration is remembering the future. - Unknown

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

Never make forecasts, especially about the future. - Samuel Goldwyn

He that fears not the future may enjoy the present. - Thomas Fuller

The best way to predict the future is to invent it. - Alan Kay

Hindsight. It's like foresight without a future. - Kevin Kline

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. - Steven Wright

Remember the past, live in the present, look to the future. - Joe Segal

Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson

If you can see the magic in a fairytale, you can face the future. - Danielle Steel

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

Upper classes are a nation's past; the middle class is its future. - Ayn Rand

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

You don't just stumble into the future. You create your own future. - Roger Smith

A speculator is a man who observes the future, and acts before it occurs. - Bernard Baruch

Hold on to a ray of hope, and a promise of future... and follow your dreams. - Unknown

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

If we tried to sink the past beneath our feet, be sure the future would not stand it. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

But can we, should we, let apprehensions about the future immobilize us in the present? - Arundhati Roy

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

Unless you devote an enormous amount of time to anticipating the future, you won't have any future. - Ron Chernow

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future. - Gail L. Buckley

The irony of the matter is that the future generations do not have a vote. In effect, we hold their proxy. - Charles J Hitch

Map out your future - but do it in pencil. The road ahead is as long as you make it. Make it worth the trip. - Jon Bon Jovi

The error of the past is the success of the future. A mistake is evidence that someone tried to do something. - Unknown

The past exists only in our memories,
The future only in our plans.
The present is our only reality. - Robert Pirsig

I'd hate to be an alcoholic with Alzheimer's. Imagine needing a drink and forgetting where you put it. - George Carlin

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie

Canceled checks will be to future historians and cultural anthropologists what the Dead Sea Scrolls and hieroglyphics are to us. - Brent Staples

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown