#1 humor site on the 'net

Things Bottled Up

Wine prescription on Doctor's orders

Things Bottled Up thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


Tired Flagpole

Coffee Steps

Royal Flush

Swallow Swallow

Bronx School Bus

Gay Dog

Lead Sled Dog

Copy Paste

Designer Shoes

1954 Prom Queen

Marshmallow Crop

'Do Not Read' Sign

Don't Ever Give Up

Amsterdam House Poles

Puzzle Makers

Baseball Slugger

Bear Print

Neck Exercises to do at the Computer

Geek Coffin

Sidewalk Jammies

Nature Calls

Son's Sun Protector

Something Wong

Camping For Seniors