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Valentine Gift

Heart-shaped present from the dog

Valentine Gift thanks to Marian Renstrom

QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

I claim there ain't another Saint as great as Valentine. - Ogden Nash

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle

Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine! - Thomas Hood

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

To the romantic soul, the rituals of Valentine's Day echo every day of the year. - Richelle E. Goodrich

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. - David Letterman

I love Valentine's Day! I love it, I love it, I love it. I like having doors opened for me. - Ginnifer Goodwin

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of. - Faye Morgan

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash

This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash. - Joan Rivers

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!" - Dave Barry

Non-Muslims in Saudi Arabia can only celebrate Valentine's Day behind closed doors. Apparently, this has led to a huge black market for flowers and wrapping paper. - John Niven

I bought a dog the other day. I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. - Steven Wright

I'd love to do a character with a wife, a nice little house, a couple of kids, a dog, maybe a bit of singing, and no guns and no killing, but nobody offers me those kind of parts. - Christopher Walken

Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. - Cesar Romero

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown

The ancient feud between cat and dog is not forgotten in the north, for the Lynx is the deadly foe of the Fox and habitually kills it when there is soft snow and scarcity of easier prey. - Ernest T. Seton

Valentine's Day is when stores and restaurants get rich, men get lucky, and women fill their pretty faces with chocolate and put up with their man for six seconds at the end of the night. - Unknown

Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it. - Rodney Dangerfield

Megyn Kelly: You've called women you don't like "fat pigs," "dogs," "slobs," and "disgusting animals."
Donald Trump: Only Rosie O'Donnell. - Donald Trump

They wrote in the old days that it is sweet and fitting to die for one's country. But in modern war, there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying. You will die like a dog for no good reason. - Ernest Hemingway


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