#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Palm Tree

Fingerlings in the forest

Redneck Palm Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Many hands make light work. - Unknown

I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself. - Groucho Marx

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. - English Proverb

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. - Steven Wright

Excite the mind and the hand will reach for the pocket. - Harry Gordon Selfridge

When my wrestlers got their hands raised, I jumped for joy. - Dan Gable

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

Never touch your idols: the gilding will stick to your fingers. - Gustave Flaubert

He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. - Richard Nixon

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. - H L Mencken

It's a battle with himself and with the ticking fingers of the clock. - David Coleman

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I felt sorry for myself because I had no hands until I met a man who had no chips. - Kent Andersson

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. - Mel Brooks

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

I ain't got nothing in that hand. Look at that, this guy is suspective of everything. - Archie Bunker

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

Self-pity is a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink. - Elisabeth Elliot

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Unknown

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

For the first time, I hand-picked an 'Apprentice' cast, and I'm thrilled with the results. - Donald Trump

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Courage will now be your best defence against the storm that is at hand - that and such hope as I bring. - JRR Tolkien

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others. - Audrey Hepburn

There's an upside to grandparenthood. You play, you give, you love, then you hand them back and go to an early movie. - Billy Crystal

I've learned that people will seldom let you down if they understand that your destiny is in their hands, and vice versa. - Harvey Mackay

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both. - Louis D. Branders

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


Good Driver

Steven Seagull

Moving Day in Texas

Foot Pool

First Snow Blower

Rebar Walker

Men In Kilts

Cheerful Trees

Redneck Air Bags

Elephant Instructions

Statue of Libertea

Selfie Shoes

Whale Skim

Home Depot Delivery

Sudoku Sampler C

Kangaroo On Ice

Dunking Straw

Abbey Road

Redneck's Open Range

I 'Saw' An Accident

Noodle Art

Texas Cow Cleaner

Here Comes Another One

Protractor Cook