#1 humor site on the 'net

Express Checkout

The sign said '9 items or less' so I changed my name to Les

Express Checkout thanks to Karen Moore

QuotaBills
These are cathedrals of shopping. - Emile Zola

Inequality of knowledge is the key to a sale. - Neil O Gustafson

A man without a smiling face should not open a shop. - Chinese Proverb

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

A shop should be like a song of which you never tire. - Harry Gordon Selfridge

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think. - Niels Bohr

Traditional methods of sales prospecting are grossly inefficient. - Jill Konrath

A good thing sells itself; a bad thing advertises itself for sale. - African Saying

The making of a journalist: No ideas and the ability to express them. - Karl Kraus

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate. - Phyllis Diller

When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne

The sign said "eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les. - Steven Wright

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales. - Stephen Hawking

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

Marketers need to build digital relationships and reputation before closing a sale. - Chris Brogan

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

I just want to take the opportunity to express my waddya call, gratitude and depreciation. - Archie Bunker

Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have. - Unknown

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale." - Steven Wright

To me, job titles don't matter. Everyone is in sales. It's the only way we stay in business. - Harvey Mackay

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Too often, sales reps simply regurgitate their presentations and expect to land the sale. It doesn't work. - Harvey Mackay

The scorn men express for a male who does housework is exceeded only by their aversion to a woman who doesn't. - Penny Kome

Recognize that giveaway items serve as silent ambassadors, reinforcing your Expert Identity - choose them carefully! - Susan Friedmann

I have done a Hamburger Helper commercial, a Hardees commercial, a McDonalds commercial. American Express commercial. - Luke Benward

People shop and learn in a whole new way compared to just a few years ago, so marketers need to adapt or risk extinction. - Brian Halligan

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line. - Ann Landers


Forever Round

All Mine

Bottle Support

Falls Trail Tree

Going Green

Ukrainian Model T

Fencing Down Under

Croc Diet

Pulley Car

Hotel Annex

Beetle Collection

Egg Timer

Shell Sink

Wicked Wok Catch

Tight Tractor

Been Lapped

Family Jewels

WalMart Math

RoostHair

Big Deluge Ahead

Pickup Park

A Woman's Hands

Bombay Tech Support

Hillbilly Tooth Fairy