#1 humor site on the 'net

Money Valentine

Dressing up for Valentine's Day

Money Valentine thanks to Lena Franklin

QuotaBills
God gave me my money. - John D. Rockefeller

Nobody's sweetheart is ugly. - Dutch Proverb

Private jets cost a lot of money. - Donald Trump

Virtue was never as respectable as money. - Mark Twain

Money won is twice as sweet as money earned. - Martin Scorsese

All money is tainted, tain't none of it mine. - Thomas F. McGuire

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. - Groucho Marx

To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. - W.J. Vogel

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. - George Burns

I can't afford to die - I'd lose too much money. - George Burns

After money in the bank, a grudge is the next best thing. - Anthony Trollope

A grandfather carries pictures where his money used to be. - Joe-kster

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

I don't like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves. - Joe Louis

The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it. - Jay Leno

I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet. - Carrie Bradshaw

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle

Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repairing. - Billy Rose

The rich would have to eat money if the poor did not provide food. - Russia Proverb

The key to making money in stocks is not to get scared out of them. - Peter Lynch

A liberal is a man who is willing to spend somebody else's money. - Carter Glass

Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy. - Miles Kington

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money. - Joey Adams

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar

There is no money in poetry, but then there is no poetry in money, either. - Robert Graves

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you’re making too much money. - Robin Williams

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. - Milton Berle

Success is having to worry about every damn thing in the world, except money. - Johnny Cash

I want to be a millionaire not for the money but for the woman I will become. - Jaime Tardy

If we were interested in making money, we wouldn’t have become teachers. - Robin Williams

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine! - Thomas Hood

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. - Bob Hope

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

The principal benefit acting has afforded me is the money to pay for my psychoanalysis. - Marlon Brando

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it. - Jay Leno

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. - Jules Renard

Never work just for money or power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night. - Marian Wright Edelman

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. - William Shakespeare

Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right. - Kurt H Adler

I love Valentine's Day! I love it, I love it, I love it. I like having doors opened for me. - Ginnifer Goodwin

I'm proud to be paying taxes. The only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money. - Arthur Godfrey

The man who leaves money to charity in his will is only giving away what no longer belongs to him. - Voltaire

It is not the employer who pays wages; he only handles the money. It is the product that pays wages. - Henry Ford

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have. - Ernest Haskins

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one. - Homer Simpson

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. - G. Gordon Liddy

Anything which is physically possible can always be made financially possible; money is a bugaboo of small minds. - Robert A. Heinlein

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

I went to the bank and reviewed my savings. I found out I have all the money I'll ever need if I die tomorrow. - Henny Youngman

Keeping books on social aid is capitalistic nonsense. I just use the money for the poor. I can't stop to count it. - Evita Peron

We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Money isn't the most important thing in life, but it's reasonably close to oxygen on the "gotta have it" scale. - Zig Ziglar

The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher

I deal with foreign countries. I made a lot of money dealing against China. I've made a lot of money dealing against many other countries. - Donald Trump

If you have more money than brains, you should focus on outbound marketing. If you have more brains than money, you should focus on inbound marketing. - Guy Kawasaki

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it,
but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it. - Ogden Nash

Love him or hate him, Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money. - Unknown

I make a great deal of money from 40 Wall St. Aside from owning the most beautiful building in lower Manhattan, I have the added attraction of owning a particularly lucrative one. - Donald Trump

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown

There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it. - WC Fields

The one thing a creator can bring to the table when everybody else has all the money and power is centeredness and the ability to walk away. Never sit at a table you can't walk away from. - Joss Whedon


Advantage of an Extra Long Straw

Squirrel Gymnast

Economic Stimulation

Financial Meltdown

Redneck Tailgate

Marital Rating Chart - Wife

Mona Lisa - Behind The Scenes

Cultivator

Hazardous Materials Data Sheet for Woman

TP Safety

Crochet Shorts

Wine Bottle Recycling

Garden Outhouse

Alberta Winter Fridge

Wheelbarrow Wheelies

Redneck Deer Stand

Bucket Seat

Security Camera Setup

Smithton Stoneys

Hearse Parking

Just Saying Goodbye

Golden End of the Rainbow

Redneck Shower

Thank You For Driving