#1 humor site on the 'net

Santa Portrait

Button Art Threads - craft collage for the Holiday Season

Santa Portrait thanks to Jane Perkins

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button. - Unknown

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Every time I paint a portrait I lose a friend. - John Singer Sargent

If I had a pause button on my life, I would use it. - Jaycee Jay Anderson at the XXI 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

If you want to get my attention, wear a pirate outfit. - Michelle Branch

It's more fun to be a pirate than to join the Navy. - Steve Jobs

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. - Sam Levenson

My heart is small, like a love of buttons or black pepper. - S. Jane Sloat

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

Charity followed the pirate. To salvation or to hell, she would soon find out. - Tamara Hughes

Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all. - Johnny Depp

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

There is more treasure in books than all the pirate's loot on treasure island. - Walt Disney

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

When you work the buttons here, see, it develops what ya call the digitalis skills. - Archie Bunker

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

They say our mothers really know how to push our buttons - because they installed them. - Robin Williams

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Suddenly you're like a pirate, you're 65 years old and you've got an earring. - Fred Willard

I wanted this to be a movie on TV so I could press the off button and make it all go away. - Michelle Rowen

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. - Oscar Wilde

When I was a child, I wanted to raise horses in Wyoming or be a cabin boy on a pirate ship. - Sadie Jones

Writing is like sewing together what I call these 'buttons,' these bits and pieces. - Sandra Cisneros

I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate. - Todd Barry

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written. - Mark Twain

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

I like Pirate's Booty. Prunes and olives, too. I love hummus. I can eat that until I die. I tend to eat mostly organic food. - Queen Latifah

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Sex is like an atom bomb. A potent weapon which fascinates and frightens. We're afraid to let it loose, yet we all have our finger on the button. - Zeena Schreck


Redneck Baby Stroller

Redneck Estate Sale

Blonde Car Mirror

Corn Maze Warning

Lane Closure

Texting For Dummies

Clever Weather Billboard

Tree Huggers

Australian Construction Security

India Road Assistance

Cow Walking

Cultural Exchange

Meowzart

Bonus Baby

Strawberry Heart

Water Skiing in Russia

Plumber's Party

Hand Face

Moon Harvest

Reach For The High-Hanging Fruit

CheckMate

Ship Tow

Redneck Turkey Shoot

Costco Wine