#1 humor site on the 'net

Shower Bar

On Doctor's Orders

Yesterday I had my annual medical checkup. The Doctor said that, at my age, I should have a bar in the shower. So I took his advice.
Shower Bar thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

In wine, there is the truth. - Pliny the Elder

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain


Joyous Lawyers

Acupuncture Face

Star Wars Episode VIII

LiverPool

Digger Dog

You Guys Make Me Sick

Chu Your Food Well

Men's Wedding Photos

Wrench Dinosaur

Suddenly An Oven

Redneck Shower Head

Twin Dish

I Finally Know Why

Finally Got The Sink Fixed

Barred

Surprise Party At The Zoo

Dog Cross

Restored Beauty

Perfect Girl

Unique People

First Dodge Ram

Kite Ship

Yoga Pencil

All Bottled Up