#1 humor site on the 'net

What Do You Want For Christmas?

Now that I have your complete attention...

What Do You Want For Christmas? thanks to Jim Serritella

QuotaBills
The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Children are the wisdom of the nation. - African Saying

Old men are children for a second time. - Aristophanes

Never have children, only grandchildren. - Gore Vidal

I preferred sewing to bossing little children. - Martha Jones

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose. - Steven Wright

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable. - Quentin Crisp

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

I continue to stay young, right? I produce children, I stay young. - Donald Trump

My children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. - Erma Bombeck

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. - Robert Orben

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

The affection you get back from children is sixpence given as change for a sovereign. - Edith Nesbit

Children need the freedom and time to play. Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity. - Kay R. Jamison

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave
when they think that their children are naive. - Ogden Nash

Children's games are hardly games. Children are never more serious than when they play. - Michel de Montaigne

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. - Angela Schwindt

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children - one is roots, and the other, wings. - Hodding S. Carter

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S Truman

The fundamental defect of fathers, in our competitive society, is that they want their children to be a credit to them. - Bertrand Russell

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales. - Albert Einstein

It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings. - Ann Landers

Education commences on the mother's knee, and every word spoken within hearsay of little children tends toward the formation of character. - Hosea Ballou

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Most of what we object to as misconduct in children is a natural rebellion against the intrusion of an unimaginative adult despotism in their lives. - Floyd Dell

Rather than pushing children to think like adults, we might do better to remember that they are great learners and to try harder to be more like them. - Seymour Papert


iPhone Charger

Tube Travel

Redneck Tree Fort

OCD Guy

World's Tallest Bus

Long Liquor Store

Happy Wood Pig

On Top Of Things

Anail Retention

Bat Flight

The No Brainer

Truck Bender

Bacon Balls

Fast Closure

Ukrainian Feast

1934 Modern Home

Fliptus

Copper Tubing Specialist

Bach Off Van

Boss Resume

Canadian Gun Shop

Hogwart's Other Bridge

Excalibutter

As The World Turns