#1 humor site on the 'net

Hubcap Shine

Dishwater duty when the wife is out

Hubcap Shine thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Baking is like washing - the results are equally temporary. - Patricia Briggs

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

The three words every woman really longs to hear: I'll clean up. - Molly Shannon

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

Let everyone sweep in front of his door and the whole world will be clean. - Mother Teresa

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

I love eating sushi and eating raw and clean - no pasta and bread. Low carbs is what works for me. - Christine Teigen

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. - Joan Rivers

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

When you know you're right, you don't care what others think. You know sooner or later it will come out in the wash. - Barbara McClintock

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman


Sunken Bed

Australian Wildfire Survivor

Rat Toys

Radish Camouflage

Apple Art

Cake Finders

Shot Glasses

Frog Spout Security

Chopper Bicycle

Canadian Suntan

Walkway To Heaven

Groucho Marx and Jimmy Savile

Despicable Shoes

Prayer Conditioning

Lazy People Make Excellent Engineers

Spaghetti Western

Under The Weather

Backpack Barney

My Sweet Potato

Who Needs a Guard Dog?

My Next Life

Mouse Insider

Close Ups

Redneck Camera Phone