#1 humor site on the 'net

Poor Sportsmanship

When drag racing turns bad

Poor Sportsmanship thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

Not failure, but low aim, is crime. - J. R. Lowell

All people look better under arrest. - John Waters

Wild hornets couldn't drag me there. - Archie Bunker

Behind every great fortune there is a crime. - Honore de Balzac

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime. - G. Gordon Liddy

Is it a bigger crime to rob a bank or to open one? - Ted Allan

All mothers have intuition. The great ones have radar. - Cathy Guisewite

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. - Quentin Crisp

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Vladimir Nabokov

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen. - Dolly Parton

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

Outside of the killings, D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. - Marion Barry

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. - Ernest Hemingway

It's a proven fact that capital punishment is a well-known detergent to crime. - Archie Bunker

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain

Blind commitment to a theory is not an intellectual virtue: it is an intellectual crime. - Imre Lakatos

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. - Phyllis Diller

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. - Oscar Wilde

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? - George Carlin

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. - Greg King

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

Self-pity is a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink. - Elisabeth Elliot

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business. - Will Rogers

There are only 3 true sports: mountain climbing, bull fighting and auto racing. All the rest are games. - Ernest Hemingway

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. - Mark Twain

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

A benefit of any job is laughter. It should never be a crime to have fun on the job. It may be a crime not to. - Terry Paulson

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. - Jay Leno

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff

Summer is a drag because even normal people become obsessed with their bodies. A bad bathing suit can humiliate you more tan anything else in life. - Conan O'Brien


One-Knight Stands

Stealth Cell Phone Tower

Holes of the World

Sunken Bed

Australian Wildfire Survivor

Rat Toys

Radish Camouflage

Apple Art

Cake Finders

Shot Glasses

Frog Spout Security

Chopper Bicycle

Canadian Suntan

Walkway To Heaven

Groucho Marx and Jimmy Savile

Despicable Shoes

Prayer Conditioning

Lazy People Make Excellent Engineers

Spaghetti Western

Under The Weather

Backpack Barney

My Sweet Potato

Who Needs a Guard Dog?

My Next Life