Acceptable Doctors Sign

Finding a good Doctor’s practice


Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!

Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.

Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.

How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.

So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.

Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.

Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”


QuotaBills
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

Life is pharmaceutical from head to cuticle. - David McCord

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball

The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville


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25-Apr-2019