Acceptable Doctors Sign

Finding a good Doctor’s practice


Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!

Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.

Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.

How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.

So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.

Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.

Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”


QuotaBills
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

Life is pharmaceutical from head to cuticle. - David McCord

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale

If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


see also   Doctor  &  Signs  Sections
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Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
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First Proctologist Exam
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Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer - Real Men of Genius
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Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
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17-Aug-2018