Amish Elevator View

What goes up “better” come down

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life - I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, “Go get your mother.”

QuotaBills
The woman that deliberates is lost. - Joseph Addison

Taking joy in life is a woman's best cosmetic. - Rosalind Russell

When a woman is openly bad she is then at her best. - Latin Proverb

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. - H L Mencken

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. - John Van Druten

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. - Arnold Haultain

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. - Stephanie Piro

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things. - Epictetus

Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

I am a woman meant for a man, but I never found a man who could compete. - Bette Davis

Every woman dreams of her own political career and her own place in life. - Raisa M. Gorbachev

Blessed be Thou, our God and Lord of Hosts, who has not created me a woman. - Jewish Prayer

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. - John Kenneth Galbraith

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

I want to be a millionaire not for the money but for the woman I will become. - Jaime Tardy

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. - Erma Bombeck

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. - Oscar Wilde

A woman's best love letters are always written to the man she is betraying. - Lawrence Durrell

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

The Book of Life begins with a man and woman in a garden, and it ends with Revelations. - Oscar Wilde

A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain. - Oscar Wilde

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. - Phyllis Diller

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be made at me for saying that. - Mitch Hedberg

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you. - Groucho Marx

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. - Oscar Wilde

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

Remember, we're fighting for this woman’s honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done! - Groucho Marx

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

Men have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority. I've never had trouble with a woman in any position. - Sam Malone

I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch

The layman's constitutional view is that what he likes is constitutional and that which he doesn't like is unconstitutional. - Hugo L Black

Now I lay facedown on the bed, sobbing for the woman who once slept here not knowing that someday one of her worst fears would come true. - Jennifer Castle

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in. - Casey Stengel

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will." - Steven Wright


see also   Amish & Mennonite   Section
Amish 3 Horsepower Country Camper
Amish Airlines – Maiden Voyage
Amish Centerfold
Amish Friends
Amish Man’s Occupation
Amish Mechanical Problems
Amish Prom Limo
Amish Smart Car
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17-Feb-2018