Caress Her

Taking care of business


A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

“Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

“Actually, no,” the man replies.

“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathes the bartender. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

“What should I tell him?” the bartender manages to say.

“Tell him,” she whispers, “There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.”


QuotaBills
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Ya don't have to soft soap me. - Archie Bunker

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. - Bill Cosby

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

When in doubt as to the applicability of a disinfectant, use soap and water. - Martin H. Fischer

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

The problem of improving literary taste is one for the schools. Soap operas sell lots of soap. - Neil McElroy

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge. - Jerry Seinfeld

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

In soap, fatty acids made from boiling pork bone fat are used as a hardening agent, but also for giving it a pearl-like effect. - Christien Meindertsma

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - the Joe-kster

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler


see also   Bartender  &  Relationship  Sections
Annoying Little Bars Of Soap
BARF Detergent
BassTurd
Bathroom Thigns
Big John
Bounce
Bucket Bath
Cowboy Bubble Bath
Crack In Tower Of Pisa
Dog Wallpaper
Fairy Soap
Free Gas
Hand Soap
How To Shower - For Women and Men
Introvert Soap
Kid Disposal
Maybe My Job Is Not So Bad After All
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Redneck Doork
Redneck Shower Head
Reducing Soap
Roo Paper
Shampoo Warning
Stuck
Tear-Paper Wall
Today’s Bathroom Reader
ToileTree
TP Kid
Wash Away Sins
Washing Clothes Recipe
When You Gotta Go

 

Water Rickshaw

That Way

Week Sales for the Weak

Hazardous Delivery

Nothing Can Compete With A Good Book

Camouflage Pro

Morning Paper

Diabetes Medication

India Plumbers

How To Prevent Cheating

Worst Job in the Army

Time Management

Melted Dog

Bible Bar

Shower Dog

Scottish Choices

Is Lunch Ready?

Food Bank Closure

Breakfast In Bed

'Turn Me Over' Pickup
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20-Aug-2018