Church Bulletin Bloopers
Finding a place for prayer and medication

1. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

2. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

3. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

4. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

5. The Pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”

6. A songfest was hell at the Methodist Church Wednesday.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our Church and community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

8. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

9. Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

10. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.

11. Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

12. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the Church hall. Music will follow.

13. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir.

14. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

15. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

16. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

17. The Lutheran Men’s group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

18. The Associate Minister unveiled the Church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.”

19. Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”

20. Don’t let worry kill you, let the Church help.

21. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

22. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

23. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

24. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

25. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A.B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

26. Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

27. Stewardship Offertory: “Jesus Paid It All”.

28. The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of his 300th birthday.

29. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

30. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

31. Twenty-two members were present at the Church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

32. Today’s Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

33. Hymn 43: “Great God, what do I see here?”

34. Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett.

35. Hymn 47: “Hark! an awful voice is sounding”.

36. On a Church bulletin during the minister’s illness: “GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.”

37. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the Church secretary.

38. The 2000 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and May 11.

39. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

40. This afternoon, there will be a meeting at the South and North ends of the Church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

41. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

42. The Church is glad to have with us today the Rev. Shirley Green and Mrs. Green. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the hanging of the Greens.

43. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

44. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the Church basement Saturday.

45. Miss Charlette Manson sang, “I will not pass this way again”, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

46. “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the

house. Don’t forget your husbands”.

47. The peace making meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

48. The Service this morning: “Jesus walks on the water”. The Service tonight: “Searching for Jesus”.

49. Sarah remains in the hospital and needs donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor David’s Sermons.

50. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are afflicted with any Church.

51. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The Pastor will then speak on “It’s a terrible experience”.

52. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

53. Ushers will eat latecomers.

54. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

55. Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed” accompanied by the Pastor.

56. Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

57. Today - Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.

58. Evening massage - 6 P.M.

59. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

60. Announcement in the Church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference. “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals”.

61. Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers’. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

62. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

63. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the Church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

64. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

65. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

66. The Church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

67. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

68. Our youth basketball team is back in action on Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

69. Today is the fifth Sunday of Lint.

70. If you are blind or unable to understand English, please ask for assistance.

71. The men’s group will hear a car talk at noon.

72. Great news! Doctors have performed a CAT scan on Pastor McLaren’s head and report that they have found nothing!

73. The Scripture reading today is from the Gospel according to Luck.

74. Today’s Scripture: Discovering God’s Willy.


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24-Mar-2017