Classified Newspaper Ads

Extracts from newspaper’s Classified Ads


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL, 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR’S DOG

FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD PART STUPID DOG

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE...  BETTER BE REWARD.

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB - $850/offer

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

Lost - one upper dental plate by an alumnus in the vicinity of Psi Upsilon. Finder return to Psi U asth thoon asth pothible.

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY

BILL’S SEPTIC CLEANING “WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS”

SHAKESPEARE’S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER: “IF IT’S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!”

HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.

OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT’S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.

ALZHEIMER’S CENTRE PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.


QuotaBills
Inequality of knowledge is the key to a sale. - Neil O Gustafson

A man without a smiling face should not open a shop. - Chinese Proverb

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

A good thing sells itself; a bad thing advertises itself for sale. - African Saying

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate. - Phyllis Diller

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

Marketers need to build digital relationships and reputation before closing a sale. - Chris Brogan

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale." - Steven Wright

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Too often, sales reps simply regurgitate their presentations and expect to land the sale. It doesn't work. - Harvey Mackay

People shop and learn in a whole new way compared to just a few years ago, so marketers need to adapt or risk extinction. - Brian Halligan

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner


see also   Business,  Language  &  Shopping  Sections

 

Ice Climbing Building

Daily Trivia C

Oxford Style

Fairy Soap

Throwaway Sport Paper

Young At Heart

Like No Udder

Love Thy Neighbour

Good To The Last Drop

Gated Community

Squat Statue

Pothole Garden

Flood Games

Cadillac Clearance

Wheelbarrow Parking

Hebrew Sudoku Puzzles A

Bringing It Home

Why Bearded Men Never Shave

Side Rail

King Stump
Submissions by Rita HigginsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site

24-Jun-2017