New Computer Viruses
Survivor Virus -
Deletes your files one by one over 13 weeks until only the most annoying one remains.
Dan Quayle Virus - Destroys all the files stored on your Etch-a-Sketch.
Tiger Woods Virus - Beats the holy crap out of you in every computer game you play.
Britney Spears Virus - Your partitions mysteriously quadruple in size overnight.
Firestone Virus - Leaves chunks of its code all over the information highway.
I HATE YOU Virus - Emits shrill scream from speakers when you refuse to buy the new
computer game that "all the other computers at school already have."
George W. Virus - Causes your CPU to keep executing and executing and executing...
Boulder Police Virus - Can't even *find* your computer.
... and another New Computer Virus ...
THIS IS SHORT BUT
PLEASE READ THOROUGHLY - EXTREMELY IMPORTANT INFORMATION
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open
it!!! Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on
disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit
cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses
subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus
will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer.
For Gods sake man are you listening????
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating
your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your
Visa card.
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until
someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to
passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the
interpretations of key sentences.
If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95/98 environment, it will leave
the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full
bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it
will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
**WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.**
And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you'll fart next time you're
making love.
send send send send send