Q: What is
the definition of an engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.
Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineer cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
You Might Be An Engineer If ...
... choosing between buying flowers for your wife or more RAM is a moral dilemma.
... you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
... in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
... the salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
An Engineer's Jargon
"What the engineer says" vs. "What he really means"
A number of different approaches are being tried.
We are still pissing in the wind.
An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem.
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
Close project coordination.
We know who to blame.
Major technological breakthrough.
It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
Customer satisfaction is delivered assured.
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
Test results were extremely gratifying.
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
The only person who understood the thing quit.
It's in the process.
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
We will look into it.
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
Please note and initial.
Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.
Give us the benefit of your thinking.
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as we don't have to change
we've already done.
Give us your interpretation.
I can't wait to hear this bull!
See me/let's discuss.
Come into my office, I'm lonely.
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
Too damn heavy to lift!
Lighter than RUGGED.
Years of development
One finally worked.
Achieved when the power switch is off.
Impossible to fix if broken.