Got Any Gwapes?

Ask the bartender just one more time


A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, “Got any gwapes?

“Nope, sorry,” says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.

The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, “Got any gwapes?”

“I already told you, no, I don’t!” says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.

The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, “Got any gwapes?”

“No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”

The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. “Got any nails?” the duck asks.

“No, why?” the bartender asks.

“Got any gwapes?”


QuotaBills
Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In wine, there is the truth. - Pliny the Elder

Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

That one kind of grapes on my nerves. - Archie Bunker

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate. - Margaret Atwood

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


see also   Bartender  Section
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19-Oct-2019