Hell Defined
[The following is an actual question given on a
University of Washington chemistry midterm...]
“Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your
answer with proof.”
[Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is
compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following...]
“First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing with time. So, we need to know the
rate that souls are entering Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can
safely assume that once a soul goes to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at
the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than
one of these religions and since no person belongs to all of them, we can project that all
people and all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that
in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has
to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1) If Hell is expanding at a lower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the
temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a faster rate than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my
Freshman year, that 'it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you,'
and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations
with her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure Hell is exothermic.”
The student got the only A.