Hot Coffee

Spilling the beans in the office

Coffee with special added flavour


A young clerk’s responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.

None of the judge’s yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk’s pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.

The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.

The judge couldn’t resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.

“Oh, there’s not much to it,” admitted the clerk happily, “I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office.”


QuotaBills
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell

The law is silent during war. - Cicero

Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover

Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle

In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler

When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown

Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance. - Unknown

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. - T S Eliot

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

It is not wisdom but authority that makes a law. - Thomas Hobbes

Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham

It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. - John Van Druten

The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. - Yiddish Proverb

You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. - Stephanie Piro

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer

Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb

Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

I never drink coffee at lunch - I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon. - Ronald Reagan

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. - Robert Louis Stevenson

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

A half finished shawl left on the coffee table isn't a mess; it's an object of art. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein. - Guindon

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy

There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey

No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman

What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin

I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement. - Calvin Coolidge

A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright

What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne


see also   Coffee  &  Judge  Sections
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19-Jun-2018