Lightbulb Joe-ks
Q: How many blondes
does it take to screw in a lighbulb?
A: 1001 - 1 to hold the lightbulb, 1000 to turn the house.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
A: "There is nothing wrong with that lightbulb and my client demands an immediate
apology and damages!"
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb, the other to drink 'till the room spins.
Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?
How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
Jack Russell
Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll simultaneously replace any wiring that's not up to code,
fix the plumbing, regrout the tub and beat you at chess.
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he
finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeeky toys in the dark.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there........
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: First I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Rotweiler: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Soft-Coated Wheaten: Light bulb? Move over. There's not enough room on the bed.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of
us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this
house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They
would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once
they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that
they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair
that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would
STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE
STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE
GARBAGE!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP
THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm
sorry... what did you ask me?