It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers
Old age is a wonderful disguise. - Katherine Applegate
I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu
I owe it all to little chocolate doughnuts. - John Belushi
I am a chocolatarian. I only eat chocolate. - Unknown
Seven days without chocolate makes one weak. - Unknown
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. - Jo Brand
We have chocolate in common - that's enough. - Rachel Hollis
When no one understands you, chocolate is there. - Daniel Worona
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
It does seem like the chocolate brings good luck. - Lauren Oliver
I've never met a chocolate I didn't like. - Unknown
Sometimes a girl's gotta have some chocolate. - Carrie Underwood
I'm not overweight, I'm chocolate enriched. - Unknown
Things are getting worse. Please send more chocolate. - Unknown
Man can not live on chocolate alone.... but women can. - Unknown
To me, chocolate was the sole reason we on this earth. - Esi Edugyan
If chocolate is the answer, the question is irrelevant. - Kim Knott
Life without books, chocolate and coffee is just useless. - Nadun Lokuliyanage
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
Coffee and chocolate - the inventor of mocha should be sainted. - Cherise Sinclair
Never have I enjoyed youth so thoroughly as I have in my old age. - George Santayana
Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man. - Leon Trotsky
Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. - Unknown
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores
I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. - Charles M. Schulz
Chocolate makes otherwise normal people melt into strange states of ecstasy. - John West
A nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me. - Audrey Hepburn
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. - Fred Astaire
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson
In absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia. - Unknown
There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Chocolate Cake - Unknown
I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown
"Exercise" is such a dirty word in my household that whenever I even think of it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. - Leonore Fleischer
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Why The Dog Left
Sex Education in Saskatchewan
Slovak Muffler Accessory
Onward, My Noble Steed!
Found The Food
Bored During Dinner