It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers
Old age comes at a bad time. - Sue Banducci
Cherish youth, but trust old age. - Pueblo Proverb
I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu
When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown
Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown
Sometimes a girl's gotta have some chocolate. - Carrie Underwood
I'm not overweight, I'm chocolate enriched. - Unknown
The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde
If chocolate is the answer, the question is irrelevant. - Kim Knott
If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. - Jane Seabrook
Fourty is the old age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo
Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go. - Truman Capote
Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. - Unknown
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores
Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill
In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us. - Josh Billings
Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison
Chocolate is something you take for granted until you don't have any. - Marja McGraw
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. - Charles M. Schulz
There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. - Linda Grayson
Chocolate makes otherwise normal people melt into strange states of ecstasy. - John West
What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
The 12-step chocolate program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! - Terry Moore
Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. - Lionel Kauffman
More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it. - Unknown
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. - Fred Astaire
My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a plant. Therefore, chocolate counts as salad. The End. - Unknown
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir
I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson
I'm learning in my old age that the only thing you can do to keep your sanity is to stay in the moment. - Willem Dafoe
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns
"Exercise" is such a dirty word in my household that whenever I even think of it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. - Leonore Fleischer
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
French Red Wine
Ninety Degree Weather
Exercise Tool For Seniors
Europe Road Trip
Beach Sign Training
That Won't Wash
Mega Samurai Puzzles B