It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Books and chocolate make life bearable. - Unknown
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Seven days without chocolate makes one weak. - Unknown
Chocolate is what I love. I have it every day. - Jennifer Hudson
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. - Jo Brand
Sometimes a girl's gotta have some chocolate. - Carrie Underwood
I'm not overweight, I'm chocolate enriched. - Unknown
In the cookie of life, friends are chocolate chips. - Salman Rushdie
Things are getting worse. Please send more chocolate. - Unknown
If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. - Jane Seabrook
Life without books, chocolate and coffee is just useless. - Nadun Lokuliyanage
To chocolate or not to chocolate... is there any question? - Unknown
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
When we don't have the words, chocolate can speak volumes. - Joan Bauer
Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go. - Truman Capote
Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores
Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill
I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton
Chocolate makes otherwise normal people melt into strange states of ecstasy. - John West
What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher
All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head. - Unknown
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir
In absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia. - Unknown
I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson
To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent - that is to triumph over old age. - Thomas Bailey Aldrich
I'm learning in my old age that the only thing you can do to keep your sanity is to stay in the moment. - Willem Dafoe
While we drink, and call for garlands, for perfumes and for maidens, old age is creeping on us unperceived. - Juvenal
You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown
Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. - Brooks Atkinson
Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. - Unknown
"Exercise" is such a dirty word in my household that whenever I even think of it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. - Leonore Fleischer
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it. - Robert Heinlein
I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker
Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold you have escaped, not from one master, but from many. - Plato
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Clever Weather Billboard
Australian Construction Security
India Road Assistance
Water Skiing in Russia
Reach For The High-Hanging Fruit
Redneck Turkey Shoot