It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Old age is a wonderful disguise. - Katherine Applegate
Books and chocolate make life bearable. - Unknown
When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. - Jo Brand
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
I'd give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter. - Unknown
Chocolate is nature's way of making up for Mondays. - Unknown
Fourty is the old age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
Chocolate is medicinal. I just did another study that confirms it. - Michelle M. Pillow
Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. - Unknown
I only eat chocolate for you... so there'll be more of me to love! - Unknown
Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown
I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. - Charles M. Schulz
A nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me. - Audrey Hepburn
Moderation, honey, in all things but love and chocolate. That's my motto. - Barbara Bretton
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
The 12-step chocolate program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! - Terry Moore
If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. - Unknown
Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher
All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head. - Unknown
Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. - Lionel Kauffman
Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. - Fred Astaire
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson
When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. - Victor Hugo
There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns
You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain
I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben
I'm pretty sure that eating chocolate keeps wrinkles away because I have never seen a 10 year old with a Hershey bar and crows feet. - Amy Neftzger
In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it. - Robert Heinlein
I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson
I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker
Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold you have escaped, not from one master, but from many. - Plato
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars
Things Bottled Up
Log Out - Here It Comes!
Zipper Scar Tattoo
You Guys Make Me Sick
Chu Your Food Well
Hebrew Sudoku Puzzles C
Star Wars Episode VIII