It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate never faileth. - Annette Lyon
Cherish youth, but trust old age. - Pueblo Proverb
It's never too late for chocolate. - Unknown
Books and chocolate make life bearable. - Unknown
I'm a woman who wants her chocolate. - Jessica Simpson
When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown
I am a chocolatarian. I only eat chocolate. - Unknown
Seven days without chocolate makes one weak. - Unknown
Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! - Unknown
We have chocolate in common - that's enough. - Rachel Hollis
Sometimes a girl's gotta have some chocolate. - Carrie Underwood
If it's not chocolate, it's not breakfast. - Laini Taylor
Chocolate: God's apology to women for periods. - Unknown
To me, chocolate was the sole reason we on this earth. - Esi Edugyan
To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. - Bernard Baruch
The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde
If chocolate is the answer, the question is irrelevant. - Kim Knott
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
Coffee and chocolate - the inventor of mocha should be sainted. - Cherise Sinclair
Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. - Unknown
Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb
In Heaven, chocolate has no calories and is served as the main course. - Unknown
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores
In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us. - Josh Billings
I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton
Chocolate makes otherwise normal people melt into strange states of ecstasy. - John West
What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head. - Unknown
The greatest tragedies were written by the Greeks and Shakespeare... neither knew chocolate. - Sandra Boynton
My comfort is, that old age, that ill layer-up of beauty, can do no more spoil upon my face. - William Shakespeare
Money can't buy happiness. But, it can buy a chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing. - Hanako Ishii
When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. - Victor Hugo
In absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia. - Unknown
Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. - Brooks Atkinson
When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Unknown
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Hungry For Justice
Latest Cell Phone
Where is Waldo?
Texas Cobra Boots
Read The Fine Print
Thanksgiving Harvest Time
It's All About Attitude
The Importance Of Education
My Last Swim In The Ocean
Dog Tired After Work