It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Old age is no place for sissies. - Bette Davis
I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu
It's never too late for chocolate. - Unknown
I'm a woman who wants her chocolate. - Jessica Simpson
I owe it all to little chocolate doughnuts. - John Belushi
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown
It does seem like the chocolate brings good luck. - Lauren Oliver
I've never met a chocolate I didn't like. - Unknown
If it's not chocolate, it's not breakfast. - Laini Taylor
In the cookie of life, friends are chocolate chips. - Salman Rushdie
Chocolate is nature's way of making up for Mondays. - Unknown
If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. - Jane Seabrook
Fourty is the old age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
Never have I enjoyed youth so thoroughly as I have in my old age. - George Santayana
Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions. Chocolate understands. - Unknown
Chocolate is medicinal. I just did another study that confirms it. - Michelle M. Pillow
Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go. - Truman Capote
Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb
In Heaven, chocolate has no calories and is served as the main course. - Unknown
Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill
In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us. - Josh Billings
Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison
I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton
Chocolate makes otherwise normal people melt into strange states of ecstasy. - John West
The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan
What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
Money can't buy happiness. But, it can buy a chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing. - Hanako Ishii
I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson
I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown
Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. - Brooks Atkinson
A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke
When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Unknown
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben
Whenever I have a spare second, I'm in the kitchen whipping up a batch of cookies. I make a mean batch of chocolate chippers. - Karlie Kloss
Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold you have escaped, not from one master, but from many. - Plato
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Road To Success
Math in Africa
Hung Out To Dry
Need More Horsepower?
Japanese Diving Platform
How To Burn Fat
Just Blew It
Cheat of the Year