Hi Erma,
This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I
have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn
wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket
in peach and mauve.
Then to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it from DNA that I had just
sitting around in my craft room. By then, it was time to start making the place mats and
napkins for my 20 breakfast guests.
I’m serving the old standard, Stewart twelve-course breakfast, but I’ll let you in on a
little secret: I didn’t have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used
the ones I had on hand. Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add
just a touch of the holidays, so I repainted the room in pink and stenciled gold stars on
the ceiling.
Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the dishes
(exactly the same shade of pink) to use for breakfast. These were made from Hungarian
clay, which you can get at almost any Hungarian craft store.
Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I’m wearing for breakfast.
I’ll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office as soon as the glue dries on
the envelope I’ll be making.
Hope my breakfast guests don’t stay too long, I have 40,000 cranberries to string with bay
leaves before my speaking engagement at noon. It’s a good thing!
Love,
Martha Stewart
P.S. When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I used 1/8-inch gold gauze. I soaked the
gauze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries which I grew, picked, and crushed last
week just for fun.
Response from Erma Bombeck:
Dear Martha,
I’m writing this on the back of an old shopping list; pay no attention to the coffee and
jelly stains. I’m 20 minutes late getting my daughter up for school, packing a lunch with
one hand, on the phone with the dog pound, seems old Ruff needs bailing out, again. Burnt
my arm on the curling iron when I was trying to make those cute curly fries, how DO they
do that?
Still can’t find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes, tried using an old disposable
razor and trashed the tablecloth. Tried that cranberry thing - the frozen cranberries
mushed up after I defrosted them in the microwave. Oh, and don’t use Fruity Pebbles as a
substitute in that Rice Krispie snowball recipe, unless you happen to like a disgusting
shade that resembles throw-up!
The smoke alarm is going off, talk to ya later.
Love,
Erma
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