Pillsbury Doughboy Dead At 71

Advertising icon has warm funeral



Hit in the face by an Action Ball

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop-N-Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.  Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.”

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.

He was not considered to be a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 2:25 for 20 minutes.


... and now for a third version of same ...


It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following:

Please join me in remembering a great icon. Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others. The graveside was piled high with flours as long-time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing doughboy as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.”

Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.

Toward the end it was thought he’d raise once again, but he was no tart. Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children, and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.

QuotaBills
Ignore previous cookie. - Unknown

Come to the dark side. We have cookies. - Unknown

Life is better with fresh baked cookies. - Unknown

Life is short. Eat cookies for breakfast. - Unknown

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

Raisin cookies are why I have trust issues. - Unknown

Nobody ever died of being shot by a cookie. - Ilona Andrews

In the cookie of life, friends are chocolate chips. - Salman Rushdie

Ya look like one of those pall buriers at a funeral. - Archie Bunker

Me writing about tennis is like a baker baking bread. - Ion Tiriac

I wouldn't trade you for all the cookies in the world. - Cookie Monster

Baking is like washing - the results are equally temporary. - Patricia Briggs

You can't be a smart cookie if you have a crumbly attitude. - Unknown

In some areas I am more noted for reading then I am for cookies. - Wally Amos

I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas. - Hillary Clinton

Spend your days pursuing the things you want said at your funeral. - Peter Legge

Admit it. The cookie dough is usually better than the actual cookies. - Unknown

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. - Steven Wright

My weak spot is laziness. Oh, I have a lot of weak spots: cookies, croissants. - Anthony Hopkins

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain

And they bought an Owl, and a useful Cart,
And a pound of Rice, and a Cranberry Tart. - Edward Lear

I have a constant sweet tooth, so I like anything from the bakery, like cupcakes, cookies. - Carmen Electra

Polly had a gift for baking pies, and she poured her heart and soul into every one she made. - Sarah Weeks

I'm always relieved when someone delivers a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. - George Carlin

Today I will live in the moment unless it's unpleasant in which case I will eat a cookie. - Unknown

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake. - Phyllis Diller

A bad review is like baking a cake with all the best ingredients and having someone sit on it. - Danielle Steel

Tart words make no friends: A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar. - Benjamin Franklin

A statistician can have his head in the oven and his feet in ice, and on average he feels fine. - Unknown

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

The two things that are going to make you a better baker without even trying are a scale and a thermometer in your oven. - Tom Douglas

Sometimes me think, 'What is Friend?' and then me say, 'Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.' - Cookie Monster

The best cookies of all in the world are the ones my daughter Sally makes. They come out all uniform with nice little air holes. - Willard Scott

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

Whenever I have a spare second, I'm in the kitchen whipping up a batch of cookies. I make a mean batch of chocolate chippers. - Karlie Kloss

The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does. - Bill Vaughan

If you're trying to create a company, it's like baking a cake. You have to have all the ingredients in the right proportion. - Elon Musk

Instead of doing cinnamon, nutmeg, and all those baking spices I'll have one spice that's for sweets, and that's pumpkin pie spice. - Sandra Lee


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19-Jun-2019